Friendly Fighting in Marriage

After years of research based on observing married couples in his “Love Lab,” University of Washington professor of psychology John M. Gottman claims to be able to predict with 91% accuracy whether a couple will divorce. He has also discovered that the marriages most likely to succeed are based on a deep friendship characterized by mutual respect and enjoyment of each other’s company. Gottman says friendship minimizes adversarial feelings and enables couples to quarrel without destructive results. He says since “most marital arguments cannot be resolved,” married couples should work to deepen their friendship rather than to win their arguments.